Oh Man.

We Tivo. Which is to say we don't watch commercials.

But the other day this one came on and before we could ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop past it, I was hooked. And now, I love Old Spice... and by Old Spice I mean this guy.

My grandpa used to use Old Spice when it was just an aftershave, and I remember pulling it down off his shelf in the bathroom to smell it. The scent was burned into my brain, right alongside the smell of Avon bubble bath, and I didn't discover its updated products until I got close enough to my former work spouse to recognize when he changed his deodorant. It went like this.

Me: "You smell different."

Him: "I'm trying a new deodorant."

Me: "No. Go back to the old one. What kind do you normally use anyway?"

Him: "Old Spice."

Me: "Mmmm. Like my grandpa."

Him: "Mine too."

Uppers and Downers

The past week has been an swirly blend of ups and downs. Like really high ups and really low downs.

First, I met Ruble for drinks and chit chat and ran into my good friend Beth. Mega upper.

Then I found out my darling Sarah's mom is in the hospital in the ICU and facing a battle with cancer. Mega downer.

Then I went out for sushi, sake, and redneck pool with my soulmate Heather for her birthday. Mega upper.
Then we found out Heather's sister had a run-in with the law that landed her a night in the slammer. Mega downer.

Then I saw Renee in her new glasses and she threw a snowball at me without being prompted, proving her inner rottenness is, in fact, awesome. Mega upper.
Then I found out Betsy is having some major struggles involving school, anxiety, life in general. Mega downer.

Then I took an anatomy test and freaking aced it like a test expert maniac. Mega upper.

Then I smacked my knee really, really hard on the corner of the coffee table, so hard it made me fall on the couch and cry. Mega downer.

Then I got an email that my picture from the No Nonsense contest was blasted over Times Square last month. Mega upper.
It's crazy how the goods have been soooo good and the bads have been soooo bad, only to balance everything out in such a way that reminds you life is so precious and special and worth it. Overall.

Playing Doctor... and Nurse

Since I'm in nursing school and Mack's in medical school, we are learning all sorts of ways to defy death. Most of them start with not eating meat and not getting fat. From there, we have discovered vitamins/supplements.

We started taking Resveratrol last summer after watching an episode of Oprah where Dr. Oz said it was magical. And then, when I took it and managed to maintain my weight without doing the usual fretting about how much I eat, I realized it really was magical. Resveratrol is the stuff in red wine that keeps your heart in good shape, but because we're not French and don't drink red wine every meal of our lives, we don't get enough Resveratrol through our diet. Instead, we pay the $32 for the bottle of 100 capsules and feel better about living to be 100+.

We also take a fish oil capsule -- the kind specifically labeled "no fish burps" because, really, fish burps? Ick.

Since Mack is in biochemistry this block, we've added some new pills to our regime... new pills that totaled $96 on our last trip to Good Foods... which is cheaper than our co-pays to the doctor if we get heart disease, right? Now we take 2 fish oil capsules, a Resveratrol, a B-complex that includes Folic Acid, a Niacin, and a Vitamin E (which we take every other day). I wanted to add a Vitamin D-3 because every woman I know over 45 swears by that pill, but...

Here comes the science...

Vitamin D is a fat soluble vitamin and with fat soluble vitamins (like Vitamin E) you can overdose on them. With water soluble vitamins, you just pee them out if you take too much... which is why my pee is neon yellow these days. So instead of taking a Vitamin D, we're just going to try to get 10 minutes of sunshine on our cheeks a day. Or buy one of those UV lights for our desks.

I've tried taking vitamins in the form of a multi-vitamin before, but I always got a gross feeling in my stomach from them. So then I started taking the gummy vitamins because they are delicious and way more mild, but they have hydrogenated fats in them. For whatever reason, this combination of pills isn't giving me a belly ache at all. In fact, there's really no side effect except the neon pee and the insanely ridiculous freaky flush that comes with the Niacin.

Yeah, about that. Have you ever scratched your neck and then someone looked at you like you've been attacked by a wild beast because of the red slashes across your skin? Well, with Niacin, it's sort of like that.

Apparently, this flush is necessary, and even though there's a flush-free version of Niacin, the ingredient that saves you from the flush actually causes you a problem down the road. I don't know the science, but let's just say the flush means it's working, and eventually you get used to it and it isn't as intense. I've only been taking it for three days, and it has gotten better but it's still so dramatic that I have to work my way up to taking it.

Which means I have to make sure I have 30 minutes of free time to have a hot flash that starts in my neck, loops around to my upper back and then takes over my entire face and chest... and an environment that won't provoke rage. Also, I shouldn't have to drive anywhere.

I'm making Niacin sound like way too much fun.

The thing is, though, it's sort of like that awful-then-amazing feeling you get when you sit in a steam room. Like you want to run out of there because you can't breathe and sweat is just pouring out of your body and oh my god you're about to die... and then when you step out, your skin feels brand new and you can feel your hair follicles and suddenly your brain works better.

And now I'm jonesing for my vitamins.

Me, lately.

I only leave the house to go to school. That is it. I don't take out the trash, the recycling, or the stuff for the compost bin.

Our house, which is old and drafty and has high ceilings, has gotten so cold we've closed all the doors and are spending most of the day in the living room under a down comforter. We have towels at the base of every door. And we've stopped doing dishes because being in the kitchen is like being in a garage.

It's too cold to walk up to the Y to exercise, so the only movement I do, beyond going to school, is occasional hula hooping. And, thanks to the Tivo, we also have some yoga that we can do if we move the coffee table out of the way.

Other than that, the snow, the winter, the weather has made me feel like this lady from Squidbillies.

Things that made me love Valentine's Day

Sleeping in until noon and having lots of vivid and lively dreams the entire time I was sleeping.

Waking up and realizing we have all the makings of a pancake breakfast.

Making pancakes without ruining the first three and getting really annoyed.

Drizzling warm maple syrup all over the unburnt pankcakes and the soysages.

A fancy coffee maker that makes coffee delicious every single time.

Waking up a really handsome husband and getting him to eat pancakes with me.

Learning that we have a fancy dinner at one of my favorite restaurants planned for the evening.

Going to said fancy dinner and eating some of the best goat cheese mashed potatoes of my life.

Trying to remember all the ways we've celebrated Valentine's Day.

Laughing about that time he made coconut shrimp, macaroni and cheese and margaritas.

Finishing off a bottle of delicious red wine with a decadent chocolate pot pie.

Coming home and basking in gratitude for having someone like Mack to share today with.

Well hi, Foot. It's me, Mouth. Good to see you again.

I was volunteering last night for a program the Lexington Art League is doing with Lexington Habitat for Humanity. I'm pretty sure both organizations LOVE me because I have been "that drunk dancing girl" at events both have hosted. (Remember that, Sarah? What a blast!)

Anyway, the thing last night was for kids of adults who are going to get homes. While the homeowners are learning about budgeting and home maintenance and stuff like that, the kids get to come and make art for a little while. There were probably a dozen kids in the class, maybe more, all different ages. It turns out that a lot of them are Congo refugees... and knowing that fact should have told me to keep my mouth shut. Tightly.

But I didn't. I just couldn't help it. They were just too cute and too fun and too charming, and I was all gaga for their long eyelashes and extraordinary names. And then it started.

I was sitting next to one little boy, 5 years old, old enough to have memories of what made his family flee Congo, and he was smiling and having a great time. So what do I say?

"Is this torture or what?"

Really, Amber?!! Torture!! What is wrong with you?!!

Even with a creepy wink tacked onto my delivery, even with the American-infused sarcasm mingling with the words, it was so... so... ugh. An ugh made worse by the silence that fell over the entire room at just the right moment to guarantee that everyone heard the word torture.

I wish I could say things got better from there and that I was able to use my mind/mouth filter more effectively as the night went on, but that'd be a lie.

I watched them draw planes and trucks and helicopters and stoplights and wondered how much their recent refugee relocation effort influenced their art and how much of it had more to do with their age and gender than their life experience. I thought about these things, silently in my head, but that internal reflection evaporated the minute I fell into the trap of interaction.

As the class was winding down, we packed up the art supplies and had to fill the last few minutes with an activity of some kind. The instructor suggested we have a staring contest, and I decided to add some enthusiasm and intensity to the event by providing commentary.

I'm pretty sure I said the word WAR about 29 times. And now, instead of art class, 13 young refugees need therapy for PTSD, sparked by a volunteer with a defective filtering mechanism.