After Gio's wedding, I had about 48 hours at home before it was time to set out on the second major phase of Love Tours 2010... the part that involves Liz and Chris.
But, since I am a weenie who doesn't like to do anything by myself, I got my wife, Leigh, to take a half road trip with me to Memphis. I figured, hmmmm, I ride with Leigh to Memphis, and then I'll only have 8 hours by myself from Memphis to Lake Charles.
Leigh found a one-way ticket back to Kentucky for $76 and it was a Memorial Day weekend plan. We were going to Memphis to visit Leigh's cousin.
I met Tara and her ridiculously cool kids at one of Leigh's family get togethers and it sort of felt like we were kindred spirits even though we were only around each other for about an hour. But when I walked into Tara's house in Memphis and saw all the art and heard her big laugh, it felt like being at home.
So much so that within an hour of being there, I took a shower and followed it with a nap on her couch.
Two of Tara's ridiculously cool kids were off on ridiculously cool adventures, but the youngest, Sam, was at home, and he, like Leigh, has magical eyes that put people in a trance and get them to hang on his every word.
And now, my love letter about Sam. Because I love him.
Sam is so cool. He draws robots with extensions that are specialized for flipping hamburgers and cleaning ceiling fans. He wears tie-dyed t-shirts and worries that pink corduroy shorts might make him gay. He walks from room to room carrying a hot wheel with three oozie-like things coming out the top and sometimes transforms it into a finger blaster with the addition of a rubber band. He likes cinnamon rolls and is quick to demonstrate his milk chugging prowess. His philosophy about brushing his teeth is why bother, they just fall out anyway -- a thought pattern affirmed by the loss of a cavity-filled molar an hour after brushing his teeth. His afro won't quit and neither with the pale sage green that makes up his eyeballs. He thinks Megan Fox is hot and wants to be an architect for about three years when he grows up, and then he's going to do a career change and become an artist like his mom. He's quick to take the fall in The Case of the Pipe Found on the Fridge, and when his interrogator asks, "If it's yours, then what do you put in it?" he curls his lips into a shape much older than he is and says, with a rasp in his voice, "Vodka."
He likes high fives, and he is about the most awesome 9-year-old I've ever met.
When I wasn't wishing I had as much swagger as Sam, I was running around Memphis eating at delicious places and drinking entirely too much. Tara, being an artist, is a natural at finding places with character, and whether it was coffee in the morning, salads at noon or fish tacos at night, she not only didn't lead us astray, she led us to delicious.
Blah, blah, blah and then I gained 6 pounds.
We went to the Trolley Tour art walk thing, which also happened to be the Zombie Walk. One Zombie had actual worms embedded in his wound and I tried to get him to eat Leigh but he was already full I guess.
Then we went to Silky Sullivan's on Beale Street and watched frat boys act like douchbags. After we'd downed about two gallons of some weak Kool-aid cocktail, we left Silky's and realized we should have been partying in the street. Frat boys trying to bang half naked chicks make for angry people watching; provocative dancing black people partying in the street make for great people watching.
Tara got us a hotel downtown so we wouldn't have to drive. We headed there and Leigh introduced me to her 19-step face washing routine. There were so many bottles I couldn't keep it straight the entire weekend, but Leigh is such a good wife she'd just line them up in order for me. I don't think it worked, but since the regime costs hundreds of dollars, I stuck with it and tried to force a glow.
The next night, I managed to convince them to go to a sports bar with me to watch Rampage fight Rashad in the UFC fight. I mean, Memphis is Rampage's hometown, so I knew it was going to be a blast of a crowd. I made his photo my wallpaper on my iPhone and started howling when appropriate. Which was not too often.
Leigh and Tara said they had a good time. And for that, I'd like to thank Patron Tequila. I had a great time, and for that, I'd not like to thank Rampage who got knocked out and made me really bummed.
I think our last 24 hours in Memphis were my favorite, so much so that I didn't want to leave. We went to a tequila bar and sampled about 10 types of tequila. Then we ate really good queso and fish tacos and there I go talking about food again. I am an addict.
While we were sitting on the patio, a lively discussion broke up between these guys and girls next to us, and it got so crazy we just couldn't ignore it anymore. So we butted in and Leigh secretly told the girls to never admit to anything and I asked one of the boys if he was religious because he was wearing a rosary and he informed me that that's just the fashion. Also the fashion is to make sure your hat matches your shoes. Just FYI.
We were having so much fun we relocated to another place that was staying open, and Tara's friend Evan helped us fine tune our gaydar.
The next morning we got up, went to eat yet another delicious lunch, browsed through some adorable shops, and then settled in, made dinner, drank wine and watched a movie.
About a million of my favorite things happened in the 4 days I was in Memphis, and I think I may have found another good wife.
No, I am not a lesbian... and even Evan agrees. I just think wives are awesome and good ones are hard to come by.
Labels: babies, memphis, travel
After Africa, I am loving America extra hard right now. Stay tuned for so. much. more.
