In a whirlwind trip to Kentucky last week, I got to visit the little things who are more fun to watch than Breaking Bad.
We let the babies try to drown in a bucket. We let them play with fire. We let them run with sharp objects. Everyone survived.
Ben, being the oldest of the tinies, was the one who first taught me that the quickest way to squealing joy was a little bit of abuse. He loved being pushed down and smashed and tripped and thrown on the ground. Gently, of course.
Now his sister is in on it. Luckily I'm armed with jiu jitsu now, so my abuse has become even more delightful.
 |
| Two against one requires the first line of defense known as "Push Them Babies Down." |
 |
| One attacks while the other one recovers from the pushing, letting the auntie practice scissor sweeps on a toddler. |
 |
| They don't relent because the auntie is being too easy on them. Soon she finds herself in the dreaded North-South position with the added bonus of a diaper. |
 |
| Auntie lets them think they're in control, but she is bigger and stronger and faster and smarter. She hulks out of the pin and controls the biggest threat - the kid who sat on her head. |
 |
| With his arms pinned, his brain makes him think the rest of his body can't move either. Auntie lets out a knowing laugh and, without giving up control of the kid, shifts her attention to wrangling the toddler, who has taken her back. |
 |
| Auntie stands and plans the second line of defense known as "Turn Them Babies Against Each Other." |
 |
| Auntie sits on kid and makes toddler sit on kid's head so he can get a taste of his own medicine. Everyone laughs and expresses what fun it is to be abused. |
