ACS Forever Immortalized at the Daily Pint

When I first met Golden Tee, one Tuesday night in Lexington at Rosebud while waiting for Kristin to show up, I immediately fell for it. I don't know if it was the spinny ball or the changing weather or the fact that I could enjoy golf without my boobs getting in the way, but something pushed this little arcade game to the top of my list.

On Thursday, during an impromptu happy hour, I got to play a game of Golden Tee. And I got a hole in one on the second hole. And then my hole in one was featured in the best shots ever montage that plays between games. And there it was, ACS, the only girl to ever hit a hole in one after two pints of Smithwick's and while playing against three boys. I have gone down in history.

29 Years in the Making

As my birthday week (and month) draws to a close, here is what I got this year.

A card and phone call from Ruble.
A card and email from Kristin.
A card and text message from Jennifer.
A card from Grandma Laura.
A pair of earrings fixed by Joe.
A cookie from Taraneh.
A card from Gio, who has the same birthday as I do and who turned 25 this year.
A bunch of tulips and half of a cake from Whitney.
A pair of adorables for my feet from Leigh.
A hundred dollars from my mom and dad.
A Microsoft Paint drawing of a chocolate cake from my dad.
A Moosewood Cookbook from Shannon & Charles.
A phone message from my dad Scott, my BFF&E Heather and my dear Elijah.
A pot of fresh coffee from Jordan.
A dinner at Urth from Malissa.
A birthday hymn in English from Leiah, my mom and my dad and in Farsi from Shahin.
A My Little Pony doll and an American Idol iPod toy from McDonald's from Laila (but I had to "give the box back").
A hot air balloon ride over wine country from the Thomases.
A sleek, shiny new silver iPod nano with the Nike athletic attachment from Mack (who obviously thinks the secret to a long life is exercise and not a gin martini after a hard day's work).
A reminder that being 29 is so worth it because of all the wonderful people I've collected over the years.

Thanks to everybody who made it special and supports my month long narcissism. I love you. And me.

What's in a Name?

Mack seriously has a guy in his physics class whose name is Phuuc Huu.

And that, my friends, is why I love cultural diversity.

It's Official! She's Renee Ellis Hensley!

After being Samatha, Lillian, Baby, She and Her, Shannon and Charles' sweet baby girl is now Renee. She is already showing her parents who's boss, but that's what I expected of Shan's baby. Here's the latest on my sweet niece.

Put this in your mouth.

When I get together with the people I love the most, we chop. It's just what we do.

We end up perched in front of a cutting board with a knife in hand and an island full of vegetables, and we chop our way through conversation after conversation. If we were in the Amazon, we'd be doing the same thing, but we'd be topless and have kids hanging in sacks dangling from our necks. This is how we are women; it's in our DNA to use cooking as a reason to get together and talk.

On my last trip home, we assumed the position and set out to make some of the tastiest things I've ever put in my mouth. In honor of summer, of cookouts, of pot lucks and of women, here are some suggestions for you to make with and share with the people you love.

TEXAS CAVIAR

(this one is fun to wing it... add or subtract whatever you want and it'll win friends)

2 16oz. cans black-eyed peas, drained and rinsed

1 16oz. can white hominy (my mom leaves this out)
1 small jar chopped pimentos, juice included
1 bunch scallions, thinly sliced, green part only
1 tbsp. fresh oregano
1 tbsp. tabasco sauce
1 tbsp. worchestershire sauce
1 tsp. black pepper
1/2 bunch parsley, chopped
3 canned or fresh jalapeno chiles, chopped (wear gloves or something when you chop these, and DO NOT rub your eye while you're chopping)
1 tomato
2 c. Italian dressing
1 green pepper, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced

Put it all in a bowl and stir it up. Serve it with tortilla chips or as a yummy salad.

GUACOMOLE

(because spelling errors on recipe cards automatically mean they're good and because guacamole is so good everyone deserves the secret on how to make it)

2 jalapenos or 2 tbsp. canned, chopped green chiles
2 large ripe avocados, mashed
2 medium tomatoes, finely chopped
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
2 tbsp. finely chopped cilantro
2 tbsp. lime or lemon juice (if you microwave them for 30 seconds you get a lot more juice out of them)
1/2 tbsp. salt
dash of pepper

Put it all in a bowl and stir it up. Serve it with tortilla chips or on turkey sandwiches or as part of a tomato sandwich or anywhere you can find to put it.

HILL COUNTRY SALSA

(this one is so good I recommend making it a fixture in your refrigerator)

1 15oz. can of black beans
1 11oz. can of corn
4 large tomatoes, chopped (my mom uses cherry tomatoes)
1 large avocado, peeled and chopped
1 large green pepper, chopped
1 bunch green onions, chopped
1/4 c. fresh lime juice (use the microwave trick)
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 large jalapeno, chopped
1/3 c. chopped cilantro
2 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. olive oil

Put it all in a bowl and stir it up. Serve with tortilla chips or as a side on taco night.

The Endorsement Series (Part 7 in a Series)

I don't drink pop because it makes you fat, and I don't drink diet pop because the sweetener in it gives me a headache that isn't worth all the fizz in the world.

But, thanks to Mack and Ralph's and the price of LaCroix sparkling water, I now drink Diet Hansen's Creamy Root Beer. Let's go to the can for more information.

At its top rim, you discover that Diet Hansen's Creamy Root Beer has no carbs and is aspartame free. You slide down its side and see that it contains no fruit juice, no calories, no fat, no sodium, no sugars, and no protein. Rotate the can counter clockwise to reveal a donation match of up to $1,000 to the City of Hope for Breast Cancer Research by this little-known soda company. Ask what Coca-Cola or Pepsi have done for breast cancer research lately. Lower your eyes to the bottom of the can, where you will find there are no preservatives and no caffeine in this delicious drink. Admire the red tab on the top, savor the familiar root beer scent, guzzle down gulps that taste like baseball games in July.

This really is the nectar of the gods.

Dulywed: What's Beneath All Those Vows (a series)

Me: "I've got to go work out because I saw a picture of myself and I'm getting fat again. Why couldn't I get that skinny Paris Hilton gene?"

Him: "You got the pretty gene. And the awesome gene."

Another Amazing Birthday Gift

Shannon and Charles really wanted to make up for getting me Weird Al Yankovic's latest CD as a Christmas present, so this year for my birthday, they got me a precious little niece.
Sweet Baby Hensley (the girls get Shan's name, the boy's get Charles', and they're still deciding on a first name) finally got here today, May 10, about 20 minutes ago. I just got the call, so I have no idea what she weighs or how she looks, but I do know that Shannon has earned all the Mother's Day cards they have on the shelves (she had a natural child birth).

This is shaping up to be the best birthday ever, for me and now for my niece! I love another Taurus!!! I'm so glad we have another girl.

Congratulations Shannon and Charles and Niece. You are going to be such an amazing, sweet, beautiful, smart, talented and special family. I am so blessed to be related.

Birthday Celebration off to a Good Start

As anyone who knows me knows, my birthday is 8 days away. Please send presents to 1245 1/2 24th St., Santa Monica, CA, 90404. Thank you.

As anyone who knows me knows, my birthday celebration starts one week before and ends one week after my actual birthday and I'm trying to extend that so that my birthday celebration starts on May 1 and ends on May 31. So, to make the transition to 29 (pause with me to realize that I am 29, holy hell how did that happen so damn fast) a little easier, I did what any responsible 29 year old would do. I bought a new car.
I haven't actually signed papers for a new car since I was 18. I leased a brand new 1996 Toyota Celica straight out of high school and that was the last time I signed any papers at a dealership. My next car was a Jeep Wrangler (I think), which I signed loan papers for at the bank, and then I had a Mitsubishi Outlander, which my bosses signed lease papers for, and then I had a Toyota Celica that my mom let me use, and then I had a Toyota Avalon that my mom let me use, and then I had a $600 Mazda Protege that I paid cash for at auction, and then I had a Ford F150 that was actually Mack's. Turns out that F150 was costing us somewhere in the neighborhood of $400 a month IN GAS, so even though it was paid for, it was bleeding us dry. So, what do you do when it's your birthday and gas is too expensive? Well, you buy a new car.

It's not a new, new car since those lose 20% of their value the moment they leave the lot, but it is a new enough new car. It's a 2006 Volkswagen Golf hatchback. It's got 4 doors, power windows and locks, a CD player and good visibility out the windows. It's a little bit lesbian, but for some reason most of my cars end up being a little bit to a lot lesbian eventually anyway.

The best part of the new car, aside from the fact that it's the biggest birthday present I've ever given myself and then immediately shared with someone else (that's going to come back to me two-fold!), is that it gets 27 miles per gallon. If you'd have asked me about gas mileage when I was buying that Toyota Celica 11 years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and asked if it had a CD player and a sunroof. Now, gas mileage was a selling point. What's that they say about older and wiser?

Veggie Tales (Part 1 in a Series about Being a Vegetarian)

I love taco night. I've always loved taco night. When I was a kid, I would get up off the floor (for whatever reason I liked to lay on the kitchen floor with my silky for recreation) while my mom was cooking dinner if it was taco night... because I could cook the meat. I could shave the browning parts off the frozen clump of ground beef like a regular sous chef. On special occasions, my mom would even put out sliced black olives for taco night. Dinner was ready, tomatoes were involved, life was good. And then I became a vegetarian, which is a delightful little green land where animals tap dance in your presence and vegetables paint your plate and taco night isn't the same.

Unless you discover Yves® The Good Ground Taco Version (that is not it's real name, I improvised the Taco Version part because I don't know the real name, but I trust that if you find the Yves® stuff you'll discover the taco version line). In which case, taco night is better than ever.

I don't particularly like the gristle of ground beef, but I do have a soft spot in my heart for the texture of it. That's why Yves® is so great. It's all crumbly like taco meat is supposed to be, and it perfectly replicates that great envelope-seasoning-mixed-with-water stickiness that taco meat is known for.

As if perfectly mirroring meat weren't enough of a reason to try it out, each of the 12 servings in the package has 0 points if accounted for individually. Even though I usually eat 4-6 of the servings, I tell myself it's all 0 points. And that is why I will never lose weight on Weight Watchers.

The Yves® fiber and protein rich crumbles make taco night everything it's supposed to be. Bring out the black olives!

(*FYI, you'd think the Ortega taco shells would be better for you than the Taco Bell ones, but it turns out that the Ortega ones actually have hydrogenated oils while the Taco Bell ones don't. Yves® is also clear of the hyrogenates. Can we say wonder food?)