News from LA

A high def TV has revolutionized the way we see our local news anchors since we can now see their armpit wrinkles. But the other day, during the 11 o'clock news, I actually thought our weather girl was a character from the SIMS video game. And it freaked me out.
And speaking of other news oddities, this little interweb irony is courtesy of our KABC anchor.

Dulywed: Year 1

Dear Mack,

You finally left to help your Mom & Dad with their Craigslist posts so I finally have a chance to ponder our first legal year of marriage in the peace and quiet of a dog chewing itself and a cat crunching dry morsels of food.

I didn't know it at the time, but our plan to get married over Thanksgiving weekend was sheer genius. Most of my genius moves happen accidentally, but having this whole weekend to realize our relationship is one of the smartest things I've done. We've been able to spend the last three days together, like 100% together, and, much to my surprise, I haven't wanted to scream, "Shut up and die!!" even once. We are healthier than I thought.

It's been a challenging year for us. I've been jealous of you going to school while I work a lot of times, and because I am only human and new to this whole selfless wife partnership supportive thing, I've probably been ruthless about it more than once. I just want you to know that more than I feel jealous, I feel so grateful to you for working so hard to make our lives better. I know that I won't remember this frustration once we get the life we're working toward, and I hope you don't remember it either. I'm sorry for all the times I've yelled at you about money (and all the times I will), and I'm sorry for all the times I've made you feel like you aren't doing enough. I know that this is about give and take, and the only reason I'm having trouble with the giving is because for a long time I was the taker... because you were so generous and supportive of me in my dreams. You are better than me at insecurity, especially financial insecurity, but I'm trying to learn how to stop insecurity from getting in the way of doing what you want. I've only been challenged to learn this in my first year of marriage to you, so thanks for your patience as I, a notorious control freak, learn to embrace uncertainty. I'm proud to be helping you be the man you want to be, and I hope that in Year 2 we win the lottery.

I can't believe that this whole entire year we've only uttered the words "divorce" and "leave" 5 times. I thought it would be a lot more than that, to be honest. I know I've said both, probably because they seem nicer than "die" and "rot," especially in the heat of the moment, but in all honesty, I never want you to leave. Never, ever, ever. Being with you the last three days has proven that to me. Without work, without school, without worries about money, when it's just me and you and being alive, we are impossibly happy. You are the funniest person I've ever met. You are a thrill to talk to. You are adorable to look at. You are smart and sharp and hopeless. You are the man of my dreams, and even though I want to stab the parts of your brain that have the parts that make me scream at you, overall you are perfect. If you were any nicer, you'd be miserable. If you were any meaner, I'd be miserable. We are dangerously and miraculously balanced.

The thing I've really discovered in this first year with you is that for the first time in my entire life I can be 100% who I am around you. If I feel sad or angry or ecstatic or curious or contrary, I can share it with you and trust you with it. I have a lot of relationships with a lot of people, but no one gets the extent of me that you do (which is probably why I am able to maintain those relationships with them). I can't imagine being in a relationship where you have to maintain facades or ideals, and with you, I can just be myself -- in all its beauty and shame and glory and fear and nervousness. You have no idea how precious a gift this is for you to give me, and I hope that I offer something similar to you. Considering I know the smells you are capable of, I think I do.

The walks on the beach, not saying anything; the time spent laying on the couch so close that I can't tell where my skin ends and yours begins; the constant hum of noise that is you living; the laughs that are so deep they make me drool on myself; the kitchen dances; the spicy fruit cups; the unexpected Internet news bits; the wait-it-out tactic to see who heats up the bed first. I try to imagine what my life would be like if you weren't in it and the thought is so terrible and so foreign, I want to die.

It may seem cryptic, but I think that's a good indicator of a successful first year. I love you more than me. Happy anniversary.

Something to Be Thankful for

... that I didn't catch what this guy did.

There's always something to be grateful for, eh?

Dealing with Monsters

Another Wild & Crazy Friday Night

I don't know if it's because I'm older or because I'm broke, but for whatever reason, a pie-making marathon seemed like the funnest Friday idea ever, especially when it could double as a "birthday gift" for Mack. So exciting an idea, mind you, that I actually planned for it since Wednesday and spent my lunch break today walking to multiple grocery stores to get all the necessary supplies -- including organic shortening that is hydrogenated oil free! Thrilling barely begins to describe it.

I've just plopped pie number 3 in the oven -- a delicacy I'm calling "Midnight Blueberry" -- and when I came out of my "pastry zone," which can be no doubt equated with the zone that athletes speak of, I looked up and realized my glasses were filthy. Smudgy. Pitiful.

Naturally I took them off, wiped them on my shirt -- which is proper glasses maintenance, FYI -- and realized that the problem wasn't my glasses... it was the smokey pie haze that had accumulated in the air courtesy of that one Saturday when the pizza decided to dump its toppings in the bottom of the oven. Isn't DiGiorno the sweetest?

So, now my Friday has really amped up... from pie making to floor mopping to... wait for it... sitting on the stoop writing a blog post about pie making!!! I'm thinking I may just pull out the Annie Dilliard Reader and really get this party started with a book my mom recommends and a bottle of red wine. Because I can.

Somebody's Grandma's Apple Pie
Pumpkin Marble Cheesecakeish
Midnight Blueberry
(yes, I cut all of those moons and stars by hand)

I am a woman. leader. seriously.

I spent last weekend in Boston at Babson College's Women's Leadership Conference being an expert. For those of you who know me, no, I wasn't an expert in smart ass comebacks. I was an expert in social networking. Don't be jealous.

What's crazy about the whole thing is that my dad actually had a FaceBook account long before I did. Like looooonnnnnggg before me.

It was an awesome conference for all the knowledge that was available, but what I really took from it was positive female energy. It's so different to be around women. I work in an office with 8 men and 1 woman, not including me. In my office we do a lot of work and a lot of projects, and we keep on trucking and get more work done. We don't really take stock of what we've done or how far we've come because we're too busy to. But after being around some other women for a day, I realized just how high you can get off of being around people who celebrate. Everything from a new job to a spoken sentence. Women love to applaud. We love to laugh. We love to smile. We love to feel good. And we devour anything that gives us a reason to do those things. While I love, love, love the men in my life (including those I work with), I get spiritually energized from the women in and around it. The men make me stronger, but the women make me sweeter. I've been getting enough strength, so it was good to get a hearty does of sugar and spice this fall.

If you'd like to relish in my brilliance, I've compiled my luscious Power Point -- yes, I am an expert in Power Point too -- into a beautiful film I like to call "Beyond YouTube."

Hello Ladies...

Because Mack is so cool, he introduces me to some of the coolest people in the world. And when I say cool, I mean freaks of nature oddities.

He's frequently sent me bits of hilarity courtesy of the www in our time together, but lucky for him, I forget a lot and he can use the same jokes over and over. A few yeas ago he brought the Asian Prince into my life, and I had completely removed him from my memory until a couple days ago. When Mack sent me a paper to do on Chicana lesbians for his philosophy class. And offered a photo of the Asian Prince as a thank you gift.
I forgot how much I love reading about the Asian Prince. Perhaps no one will get as much glee from looking at his website as Leigh, but he is hilarious. I'm just sad to report that he now has found a sexy princess, and I, like Mayim Bialik (formerly known as Blossom on "Blossom"), am out of the running. In honor of his celebration, I wanted to do a post in his style. I present an abbreviated, personalized edition of an Asian Prince post...

[Note: I started this post about three weeks ago, but then I ran into bloggerrefusaltoacceptphotos problem, which completely zapped me of momentum.]

A Wife in Search of a Second Wife/Highly Respected and Appreciated Slave

Hi ladies, my name is Amber. Welcome to my blog. I am searching for a wife. The picture on the left is me. Aren't I very nice? I am a wife and I've been married many times to the same guy. If you're looking for someone who needs help doing the dishes and tending to the animals, I'm the one you're looking for!

I love to write. It's where I get the money to purchase my groceries.

Like my writing? You can send me money through paypal! Try amberscott@insightbb.com!

Since I am considered by many, a genius, I know how to write in different languages. Living so close to Mexico, I've self taught myself Spanish. I've been called a writing genius by my mom for both my writing style and talent. I am also called a marketing genius because I organized a pub crawl once.

I am a woman who is smart, funny, romantic, charming, compassionate, talented, sexy, and has an excellent sense of style. Am I not hot?

I'd like to introduce you to my wild side. Welcome to my crazy wife life section.

This section tells about moments when my inner crazy wife kicked in. Sometimes, I like to live life dangerously. I once added the entire packet of cayenne pepper to the chili mix. And if that doesn't show you how out of control I can be, I also run out to the car sometimes in my bare feet. I am not afraid of germs or dirt since they are so afraid of me.

Some second wives are attracted to crazy first wives. I can be one at times. They will find me irresistable after viewing this section.

I think I look like a delicious nag in this picture. This is a picture of me early in my relationship.

As you can see, I have been sexy all my life. I think I should have a reality show, don't you? Do you want to be my second wife/maid/cook/stylist on my famous show?