Waasssuuppp... the last 8 years

Remember that Bud commercial (back when Budweiser was an American beer) where all the guys "Wassup" each other? No? Well, here it is.

It's been 8 years since those guys made that commercial. So, they reunited and made this one. And they are not looking so good these days.

Not exactly Mr. Rogers... but then he was creepier than anyone thought he was.

I talk about my neighbors a lot. Partly because they are in such close proximity all the time and partly because they have sort of become my surrogate family.
They drive Harleys and they have a dozen snakes living in their house. Their baby girl wears skeleton clothes and sports a mohawk. They cuss like sailors and drink Jack Daniels. They have a pit bull. They decorate our garden with jawbones and skulls that Sandra got during her career in taxidermy.
At first glance, they seem like a scary lot. And until Halloween last year, I doubted that we had anything in common. I mean, I'm sure it's quite a sight to see me in my heels heading to work on a scooter while Bill in his tattered blue jeans heads to work in a truck I'm not entirely convinced isn't my grandpa's.

But Halloween, that time of year when people are allowed to let those dark parts of their personalities come into the light, showed that we are more alike than I may have realized. I love horror movies, they love horror movies. I love carving pumpkins, they love carving pumpkins. I love to be scared, they love to scare people.

Whenever I talk about my neighbors to my more "contained" friends, they seem to feel for me that I live by these people. But I love it. I've lived by people who were far worse (Roy, the mailman who nagged me about mowing my yard even when I was working three jobs to pay my mortgage, comes to mind) and by people who we far more secretive (I've lived by some people for years without ever seeing their faces, which made asking for a cup of sugar seem like an offense). With my neighbors now, what you see is the worst of what you get.

Most days, when we're not playing with blood and pretending to kill things in the name of Halloween, they make me coffee and share their pumpkin muffins. They plant colorful mums and water my plants. They bring down a bowl of veggie chili and invite us up to watch them feed their snakes. At the risk of softening their edge, they're really the best neighbors I've ever had.

(* no one was harmed in the making of these photos, except the pumpkins)

Dulywed: What's Beneath All Those Vows (a series)

I sat working on my Halloween shopping list, sipping a latte he made from our new espresso machine -- an indulgence courtesy of his first med school acceptance. He danced his fingers across the out of tune piano in the living room, creating an ambiance that echoes the one I want to have in the house I get with secret passageways and hidden rooms.

And in a few harmonious seconds, I forgot all about his facial hair wallpapering the sink, his obliviousness to the dishwasher and his post-judo practice smell perfuming the whole house and remembered that this is why I love him.

That is when he switched tunes and replaced Chopin with Kung Fu Fighting.

Adventures in Babysitting

On Saturday night I was trusted with the life of another human being... that of my neighbors' baby to be precise.

Which seems even more remarkable considering that they know I sent my dog to a retirement home and that my cat has been on her last legs for two years now.

I was all prepped to give my full attention to something the size of a pumpkin, was all ready to read books full of one syllable words and was totally committed to doing the same thing over and over again so she could give me a few good chuckles before she gives me that look that tells me I went just a little too far into crazy.

And then she fell asleep. Before her parents were even gone. Without even one game played.

So I laid on the couch next to her and watched The Devil's Rejects while she made little snores and no doubt had sweet dreams.

Miss Kitty's seen better days...

Like when Jen was here. Not only did Jen make our house literally smell like roses, she also did the dishes, groomed the cat, and made the bed. And now, Kitty is once again thinking she's royalty, this is her kingdom and I am here only to serve her Iams and make Mack's life better suited to lounging with her.

Fine then...

Apparently my challenge wasn't very... well... challenging. My mind is busy being creative about other things like HALLO-FREAKIN-WEEN!

Anyway, here's the real reason Jen posed at Muscle Beach. I think his name is Dark Sexy, but I'm not positive. Jen was the one who got his number...

Extreme Tourism...

Jen is a tourism super model. She does all the right poses and is just so when it comes to getting her travel pictures taken. This makes assembling Martha Stewart-esque scrapbooks much easier.

But in the case of the photo below, Jen played up her tourist persona to bring you a very special glimpse of Muscle Beach. Can you tell what it is? Leave a guess in the comments and then I'll do a big reveal in a couple days. The first winner gets a trick or a treat... I get to decide.

A little toupee experiment

Jennifer is here. Suck it to the rest of you who want her. I won this weekend.

We've had oodles of fun that involves bicycles and margaritas and ravines and minimal blogging, but for now, I offer you this: a segment we call "uh, what's up with the hairpiece?"
Hey, we tried to be perfect, but alas, Mother Nature issued other mandates. Since it's been a losing battle, we've instead opted for perfect fun, which, to quote my future president, makes us potentially a little "too awesome."

Lisa, this one's for you...

Just about a lifetime ago, I had the privilege of being an observer of "A Summer of Staches." The "SoS" was a season of change for several of my guy friends, wherein they all agreed to grow mustaches and wear tank tops.

Lisa asked earlier this year if anyone had photographic evidence of this event, and while I had a mental picture, I just could not find the physical one. I pulled out boxes upon boxes of photos, making Mack think I'd caught the crazy that Barbara Hershey gets in Beaches when she's all, "I've got to find the picture of my mom's hands or else my daughter will die!"

I gave up and assumed it'd been lost in the move. Until last night.

While tidying up for Jen's visit (just 10 more hours!!!), I was trying to toss Mack's microphone to the top of the bedroom closet. It decided the top of the closet wasn't where it wanted to be, so it took aim at my head. I fell into the shelves where I keep my hot rollers to dodge its attack, and in my state of grace, I knocked a decorative photo box off the shelf. Photos spilled out chronicling misplaced moments from my life, and there, at the bottom of the pile of memories, folded in half, was The. Stache. Photo.

Dulywed: What's Beneath All Those Vows (a series)

Sitting in our respective spots in the living room, after watching a thrilling episode of Project Runway and eating pumpkin muffins for dinner, Mr. T looks my way with a glint in his eye that means he's thinking about something not related to judo.

"We've had some great adventures," he says.

"Season Finale, part 1...," I remind him, ruining the sweet moment that's about to slap me in the face.

"How many other couples can say they've been to Africa and to a McDonald's diner together?" he ponders.

"Or to jail."

No, this is not "baby fever"

But, come on, when meat collides as it has in this photo of my neighbor Sadie and her cousin, it needs to be shared with the world.
So as not to explode your mind, I cropped out the BABIES KISSING, because that would have been cuteness overload and the kiss was really not letting the meat have its moment.

Now, if I could just get my chub to look that cute...

Riddle me this...

Right, so, okay. There's this thing. It comes once every four years, but it lasts only about two minutes. And basically. Yeah, basically, people have died trying to get this thing. Uh huh, they've died. Like more people than have died in Iraq have died trying to get this thing. And now EVERYONE has it. Everyone. They've given it to Every. Single. Person. It's doesn't cost a penny. But it could cost you everything if you don't do it. So, what is it?