It Turns Out I'm a Major Nerd

Shannon said to me once, "Maybe I'm not as attractive as I think I am." She wasn't saying it as in, "My god I think I am so incredibly fantastically beautiful and people should know this," but more like, "Jesus, I might be worse off than I thought. How mortifying that I've been walking around thinking I'm a 7 and here I am a 4." That is how I feel after making a video for a travel show casting call.

Maybe I'm even more of a nerd than I thought I was.

I've never really meshed with the total dorks, well, because I liked to party and was able to make conversation. And I never really meshed with the cool kids, well, because I find them annoying and I didn't understand hair and makeup until a year ago. I happily existed in the not-quite-a-dork-not-all-the-way-cool realm for my entire life. It let me merge with losers and winners, the pretties and the uglies, the smart and the dumb. I always thought I was a good, strong, unmoveable 5. I was great with that. Until this video thing.

I've always hated my voice on video, mainly because I sound like a man trying to be a woman or a woman in a transgender pre-op state. I growl and squeal at the same time, and it's just not natural. I've always hated the way I look on video because I have a big ass. Usually I can keep my dorkiness from being the only thing that comes across by having gigantic expressions or licking the lens. For this video, no such tricks could be enacted. And now, I'm left with a greater self-awareness, this time not for the better.

See, Mack and I are applying, most likely fruitlessly, for a show on the travel channel based on the book 1,000 Things to See Before You Die. I lack the video creativity that Phil has and Mack lacks the patience that I have, so together we made the most embarassing video ever created. No, it's not funny. It's not endearing. It's just bad. And we are nerds.

We are majorly nerds. I talk out of the side of a curled up mouth like I just had a stroke. He gets an Al Bundy persona on film. I become some sort of perky cheerleader optimist. He unsuccessfully channels James Dean. The end result is obvious to me, so to all of my friends and family who spend time with me, sorry and thank you and what's wrong with you?

Hopefully this video will stay under wraps at the Travel Channel. In the meantime, I'm sticking with still photography. It captures our nerdiness in a much more flattering light.