At 9 p.m., after making ornaments out of a cut up soda box and some glitter from my forgotten/abandoned craft box, I felt inspired to do Christmas cards. I love to do Christmas cards, and it's not necessarily because I like to get them. I like to spend a couple hours flipping through my address book, prioritizing the 36 people I want to know I'm thinking of them, sending a quickie message into the Christmas mail abyss, never knowing for sure if they're getting the message but feeling good about at least sending it out.
This is the first year I haven't sent them out solo, and I gotta say, adding Mack's name felt a little fake, a little conflicting and made me a little mad. He didn't ask me to include him on the cards, but to omit him seemed to be bragging, like an unspoken, "I am better than you because I am thoughtful and it is the thought that counts." To include him gave him a sidecar of credit that crippled the integrity of my thought. I mean, it's not like he signed his name. To be honest, I don't know if he wanted to sign his name or not, but I assumed he was like every other man I've ever met who masks his laziness by trying to appear flippant about such silliness as Christmas cards. I added him because I wanted to be nice, which is probably the whole desperate reason I spend two hours every December being inventive with the phrase, "Happy Holidays."
Mack does not care in the slightest if I include his name or invite him to sign the Christmas cards or ask his opinion as to which ones are cutest. I have a feeling he is not alone. I can't think of a single Christmas card I've ever received from a single man. I get them from couples, families, single women, but single men, never.
Do they not think? Or is the thought too much to ask? Or are they too cool for cards? Or are they lazy? Or, maybe, do they not do it so that women can feel good about having the thought and passing it on? Do they secretly like getting the Christmas cards when they get them from their women friends and from other couples whose female component takes the initiative? How is it that something I like to do so much can seem so worthless to the other gender? How can we be so different? What would people think if I just left his name off? Why should I care, especially since these are my top 36 people?
I guess it comes down to relationship building, and women are so much better than men at relationship building. If I were to get a Christmas card from one of my dormmates from my freshmen year of college once a year, I would look forward to that once-a-year update and expect nothing else. That would be sufficient relationship maintenance for me. If I send a hopeful hello to a cousin I haven't spoken to in years, I hope it resonates enough to reinvigorate that relationship, but if it doesn't, hey, I tried. The Christmas card relationship round up -- all I can say it's a good thing women keep it going. If we weren't keeping relationships alive, there'd be some very lonely men in the world. And all that thought that's supposed to count so much might be lost in the shuffle toward the PS3.
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17 comments:
ummm...I am a woman, single, coupled, whatever and I have never sent Christmas cards. I don't think I ever will really. And now, I have a good, uppity excuse: they could be considered wasteful and contribute to global warming. I suppose I like to receive Christmas cards, really, I don't really care. I don't really get Christmas cards, I guess people don't bother since I move regularly and it costs more to send overseas (and they don't get any from me). So, I don't think the gender theory on Christmas cards works, I think its more of a bourgeois preoccupation.
That's my two-pence anyway.
Happy Holidays everybody!
i'm just lazy... it doesn't get any less gender-specific than that
The reason you don't send out Christmas cards, Shannon, is because you are mean.
The reason you don't send out Christmas cards, Amy, is because you have a wife.
And now for my curtsy!
Ok Am, Here's one for your side. I have filled out (some of) my christmas cards and I placed them nicely atop of matt's laptop so he would see them and get the point (sign these!). He told me the next day to just sign his name. Now the thing I found interesting about this whole thing is that when we were signing our thank you notes for our baby shower gifts he wanted to sign the cards, whether or not he agreed with the message I wrote. So now I have written the cards and I will be the one signing for both the men in my family since Matt stopped caring to sign the cards and Ben hasn't mastered grasping objects (thus cannot hold a pen, thus cannot write). I truely enjoy getting christmas cards. I like to tape them to the wall or above the t.v. I consider them a significant part of my christmas decor. The card I got from Mom and Dad had a little special message from the both of them. So perhaps we should ask mom if daddy just writes a special note to us girls or if he signs all the cards mom sends out or if they only send them to us children. Either way, I am with you in that I am glad us women (or at least me and you) keep the christmas card tradition going. I need an address book...that would really help me out. Now if only I get around to sending the cards I've filled out I'll be doing great for my first attempt to send out christmas cards. HO! HO! HO!
Jeff Byrn is the only considerate male I know. I send 100 cards, so I thank Sams for electronically signing them for me!
Who's Jeff Byrn? I am practicing mean to be 'you know who' in the 'you know what' that I cannot say because it is a Christmas secret. Yes, I am mean, like Scrooge.
Ba Humbug! to your card sending!
wait a minute!! So women that don't send cards are mean??? And the guys are what? Cute??? They better be mean do or I might cry double standard foul.
i just hope I get a card now. I'd feel bad if I wasn't in the "top 36"!
Oh, Shan, don't be a manogynist! To keep it fair, I'll start thinking men who don't send or sign cards on their own are mean. A point enforcing update... the Christmas cards I got this year came from 1. Jennifer, 2. Ruble, and 3. Kristin (who also signed Will's name with a similar reservation I'm assuming based on the size of the "and").
I love Christmas cards - I love getting them and I love sending them! I've never signed them with anyone else, unless you count Sophie (my cat), but I don't expect my "significant other" to enjoy sending cards as much as me, should that day come. I'm with Leiah - they are a big part of my Christmas decor!
Merry Christmas!!
Just recieved my card! I made the cut! Yes! Thanks Amber!
I agree with you Amber because sometimes Mack is silly. Please give him another chance. Love Laila.
You go Laila. Well said
I have a random question about your new "blogger name" - Ms. Thomas. What's the difference between Ms. and Mrs.? I always thought that Miss was to be used when you were younger (under 18 or so), Ms. after that and Mrs. once you are married. Since I am by no means ever grammatically correct (no matter how many times I read Strunk and White) I figured I'd go to "my authority" Ms. Thomas.
I admit that I did sign David's name to our cards, but only because he was busy addressing all of the envelopes. He also mailed them all (since he does work at the post office). So even though he didn't personally sign them, his holiday wishes for everyone were sincere. It does feel a bit strange to sign his name for him, like I'm lying or something. Jonah did sign his own name.
Good work Lisa. You're raising an honest man and trying to make one out of David!
Jen, the difference between Miss, Ms., & Mrs. is this... Miss is a single woman of any age, but it's sometimes considered condescending to attach it to a mature woman's name. Mrs. signifies a married woman who has taken her husband's last name, but in this day and age, I think I could be Mrs. Scott if I wanted to. Ms. is the it's-none-of-your-business-really-if-I'm-married-or-not qualifier. It's sort of the "can't put it in a box" ambiguous answer. Since I don't want to be a Mrs. Scott, since I'm not a Miss Scott, and since I'm not a Mrs. Thomas since I'm staying a Scott, I'm assuming Ms. Thomas, but only for fun. Not that I don't like being Mrs. Thomas or Miss Scott, but I like that Ms. sort of brings it all together nicely. Plus, it makes me feel like a teacher.
that's why the feminist magazine is titled "Ms." Its an attempt to detach a woman's social status & value from her marital status. Men are always Mr. regardless of age or marital status, aren't they?
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