And now I'm going to complain.
Parades are fun for adults, yes, but when they are centered around such things as leprechauns or other imaginary creatures, they are for kids. Which means, hey, you giant assholes, back up and let the kids you're making look at your gross butt get a spot in front of you.
Parades are for floats. Not your company's giant RV/movable billboard or your Mustang Club. If you don't care to decorate a float, then you should have to walk and hand out candy. We do not come to Main Street for a parade so that we can watch decorative traffic. If that was fun, rush hour wouldn't be annoying.
Parades are for candy. Candy is crucial to the value of any parade, and I don't care if it's that skull breaking hard gum. You need candy. And whoever the prick was who made it illegal to throw candy to people during parades should be stoned to death by candy. The argument against candy is for the safety of kids... but what about when they run in front of a fire truck to get that dropped Now & Later in the middle of the road. Seems safer just to toss the candy to the sidelines, doesn't it?
Politicians should only be allowed in parades if their floats are awesome. And everyone has matching t-shirts. Or if they provide some additional service... like a marker board to show people the latest score of the UK game. If they can't provide a service like that, they better be on a float that is extraordinary. And loaded down with candy.
Can we be done with beauty queens in parades already, especially the ones sponsored by groups that sound progressive, like the Metropolitan Women's Club? Either that or the beauty queens should have to perform their talent while riding on the back of the convertible. Then they can stay.
We need more marching bands in parades, so the next time you see a high schooler band nerd, show them some respect. The only marching bands in the St. Patty's parade were the ragtag group of hobby musicians known as the March Madness Marching Band and a school band from Wolfe County.
The horse shit and garbage on the street after a parade is okay for an hour. No, it's not delicious smelling, and no, it's not fun to step in, but it doesn't warrant a crew of street cleaning machines and an entourage of leaf blowers to rain down upon the parade route minutes after the last entry rolls by. At least let the parade watchers dissipate before bringing in the Overly Enthusiastic Pavement Washers of Impatience and Rudeness.
I ended up having a good time at the parade, mainly because someone finally broke out the Tootsie Rolls and we elbowed our way to the front of some unmoving people in lawn chairs and sat on the curb in front of them. Plus Leiah and Ben were there. And the green beer.
5 comments:
I haven't been to a parade in years ... and now I think I remember why ...
Speaking of, one of my fave pics you ever posted here was when you were in the parade promoting Nougat ... loved that picture!!
I have no idea where that picture is, but I remember it having me on the hood of a car? Is that right???
aww, that's a good pic. you need to go to an english parade. costumes, candy, crazy floats.
I think we have a copy of that picture. I'll look for it.
I totally agree with your complaints. Try the Christmas parade. It's in Nov I think. It's been the best one I've attended in Lex. I'm a sucker for parades for some reason.
Oh man, Amber. I should have warned you. The St. Patrick's Day Parade needs some desperate work since it began. . You points are very valid and I probably could come up with the contact to voice them to if you would truly like a change of pace. I have been in the St. Patty's Day parade and the Fourth of July Parade and have to say that July is way better for floats and candy.
Steve and I were downt there after the game. . .basically for the green beer. You know the major contributor of the parade was the one who owns the beer, right?
Post a Comment