Catching a Wave... of Terror

I have lived in California for more than a year now. I have visited the beach more than 50 times. And I have avoided going swimming like the plague.

Last summer was so hot I almost went in one day, but then I remembered this was going on and no.

Today I finally knocked it off. Mack went for a swim last week after going for a run and described it as "heaven" and "the most refreshing thing in the world." Since I hate him having more fun than me, I decided to grow a pair and go in.

There is no way I am ever going to take a jog in my bathing suit and then take a swim because giant boobs and swimsuits do not mix well with activity. Instead I donned a wetsuit because I hate when the cold water goes over your boobs that first time, grabbed the boogie board, and off we went.

I made my way into the water, which was warmer than I thought it would be. Mack didn't have the insulation of a wet suit so he stayed on the beach hopping around trying to get sweaty. I jumped over waves and tasted the salty water and waited for the perfect crash to come my way. I caught a couple waves, but never really managed to get out in front and on top of the wave enough to get that effortless, harmonious, long ride.

I was having a blast and managed to let my fears of sharks eating me alive wash away. Then Mack started yelling at me from the beach and pointing to my right.

"DON'T SCREAM THINGS WHEN I'M IN THE WATER!" I shouted back, trying to stay composed and not shit my pants. He kept yelling and pointing and I couldn't hear a word he was saying out there in the water.

At this point, the balls I'd grown were sucked into my body and I became a terrified freak. I looked over my shoulder and saw a wave coming, and I hauled ass to get in front of it and top of it like my life depended on it. I rode that board all the way up onto the sand and laid there in a heap of terror.

"Did you see the seal?" Mack asked me, all calm and savoring the moment.

I looked over to where he was pointing and there was a giant seal, probably 10 feet long and a head the size of a tire.

"He was swimming like 5 feet from you the whole time. You didn't see him?"

After I watched the seal being curious with some other surfers, I managed to calm down and convince myself that not everything wants to eat me. Then Mack chimes in with his version of events: "Those were the most perfect 5 minutes – watching that seal playing in the surf and you out there having no idea and then getting scared and riding the best wave of your life."