Extreme Office Makeover

Mack has an office at work. Office is a bit of a stretch. Really, Mack has a 6' x 9' closet called an office. It's in an old army bungalow on the hospital campus, so it, and everything around it, is about 90 years old. It's so old that cats and skunks and raccoons live underneath it in perfect urban harmony. It's also so old that at least 20 years of residents have attempted to make this tiny room a respectable place for advising people on what's wrong with their minds. The last resident left it with purple walls and yellow trim. Guys, I don't know about you, but if I'm going through a bout of cuckoo, I don't want to talk to someone in a place that looks like an Easter egg.

So I took over.

First thing was the paint. I decided to go with greys and wood to keep it masculine without being too cold. I spent one of my days off coating the walls of his office, and everyone who stopped by was all, "Ooooohhhh, purple." And I was like, "Ooooooohhhh, fuck."

Luckily, when I started throwing in some browns and creams, the color went the direction I hoped it would – the direction the sample card said it should. 

Mack inherited some furniture with the office. Namely a fold-able Ikea loveseat that looked like no fewer than 30 people had ejaculated on it. Here's the picture he sent to me of it. If the office wasn't so tiny and this loveseat so perfectly sized for it, I would have tossed this on the curb. But the truth is, it was the best option we had. Cue the fearless yet totally inexperienced reupholsterer inside me.

BEFORE. Let's say that's sweat there in the crease and not semen from a whale.

He also had a giant desk that I rejected from the start and a slender but sturdy red-cushioned chair that I decided should be his office chair. See, Mack has a lead ass. He sits on something half as long as a usual person and it will sag or start busting apart at the joints. I don't understand how someone his size can be so heavy. Something with physics and ass density I guess.

We ordered a desk from Overstock.com and I hunted for some things to give the space some personality. I found a phrenology head that was a nod to the specialty of psychiatry, a photo of a sailboat that is his constant reminder of why he's working in the first place, an hourglass (because I always wanted one), and some fake succulents that don't require actual care and attention. I printed out an old-school illustration of a brain and framed it. And then I figured he should have his med school diploma in the room since all the other doctors had theirs hanging up, so I got that framed too. (Framers should be arrested for charging framing prices.) I ended up throwing in a big house plant to cover some cords and an actual zebra succulent I found at Ikea because it was awesome. In the end, I think it all turned out pretty decent, especially considering how little we had to work with.

And now for your tour of a closet.

The doctor will see you now.

AFTER: I knew I nailed it when I was visiting Mack one day and he said, "You have no idea how many people have cried on that couch." It really is comfortable and safe feeling. And that throw pillow is for people like me who need something to hug when they're purging evil.

Personality in the room. No personality in the doctor. He had a meeting to get to and his wife was being extra Asian about taking photos.

The desk and that great red chair. Blurry pic because he was literally dragging me out of the office.