The Writers Almanac

Garrison Keillor took center stage at the Norton Center for the Arts in Danville, Ky., last night in a charcoal suit split down the middle with an American-red tie and grounded by faded red Saucony sneakers. His familiar voice ran 150 yards to reach me in the nose bleed section of the right wing (I did, however, get an actual seat... Liz, my date 6 rows behind me, was in an office chair). We arrived a few minutes late, having underestimated Danville's potential for parking woes. I held the two people closest to the aisle for balance as I walked in darkness to my seat, letting out a chuckle I blamed on Garrison but which was really aimed at the old man already asleep in the seat next to me. Why do old people spend so much money on tickets just to nap in public? Suckers.

I laughed at all the right places and appreciated the words that painted pictures familiar to me -- independent relatives with the courage not to conform, dry communities focused more on their feet than what's going on around them to preserve their comfortable simplicity, hand-me-downs and church meetings.

"They'd always say, 'Why waste a ten dollar haircut on a 59 cent head?'"

I was falling in love with the embodiment of the voice that had ridden home with me from Louisville so many Sunday afternoons. I knew he was an ugly man, a face scrunched up and sour, but I was far enough away to appreciate his stature. And, he was funny. I've always been a sucker for funny. His voice was so familiar, so rhythmic, so comfortable.

I jerked awake upon feeling my head drop to my chest. How long was I out? Surely I just dozed off for a second. Yeah, he's still telling that story about his cousin Kate "celebrating a commitment" and the Lutheran ministers visiting. The jerk brings me back a second time. What is my problem? Why did I pay $40 for a nap? Come on, how much did I miss? Okay, good, he's still talking about his cousin Kate "celebrating a commitment" and the Lutheran ministers visiting. I dozed off 20 more times, always to wake up to the same part of the same story. It was like Groundhog Day and I was Bill Murray trapped in a lecture wanting to love it but starting to resent it, hearing his voice was enchanting at first, and, like any good lover, it ended up a boring drone. The only difference was that in my recurring daydream, time was advancing.

We ended up leaving with our disappointment trying to trump our fond memories, but I don't think they'll end up succeeding. Garrison with clever "commercials" on Sunday afternoons or reciting poetry on the way to work is the Garrison I love. The old man droning on and forcing me into early retirement is not Garrison. That is Mr. Keillor.

"Writers are vacuum cleaners who suck up other people's lives and weave them into stories like a sparrow builds a nest from scraps." ~Garrison Keillor

"It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle." ~Garrison Keillor

"Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome." ~Garrison Keillor

"English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say." ~Garrison Keillor