Oh, crap.

Look. I know this is gross. Unless it's happening to you and then it is freakin' troubling.

I have a friend who has not taken a crap in 5 days now. This friend of mine is a vegetarian who eats lots of roughage voluntarily and, because she is doing Weight Watchers at the moment, she isn't eating any gut clogging cheese. The other day, after helping her sister move, she went out for Mexican food -- we're talking BEANS EXTRAVANGAZA -- and still, no dookage. If Mexican food doesn't work like Drano on your guts, what will?

Seriously. She has tried everything. Citrucel (twice daily), Miralax, coffee, cigarettes. Even libraries. Nothin.

She's not having any pain with her condition, but she does have her weekly weigh in tomorrow and she's getting a little tired of this bloated gut thing making her pants extra tight. (You'd think tight pants may help get things moving, but they don't.)

Plus, it's just weird to think of all the things you've eaten in a week hanging out in your abdomen like it's some sort of mostly-digested food convention. At least that's what she says.

So please, offer up some suggestions, home remedies, miracle cures, witch doctors, whatever. This girl needs some #2.