The whew to end all whews.

Good news, guys. THE WORLD DID NOT END.

Instead, Dec. 21, 2012, ended up being a practically fantastic day. Yes, it was freezing outside and I had to hang posters for work and that made my fingers and toes very angry, but that was the absolute most awful thing that happened to me all day... if I actually had run out of gas on the interstate exchange like I thought I did, that would have been the most awful thing but it turns out, that was just my car's way of saying, "I'm fucking serious."

Last night, when it was snowing and I saw lightning and then I pulled into Target and everything went black because the power failed, I wasn't so sure it wasn't the beginning of the end. But now, as I'm curling up in my nice, warm covers and preparing to watch some Netflix, I realize that was just more of the usual. The usual weirds and wows and uh ohs that is the everlasting now.

I knew the world wasn't going to end. See, I am a rational person with reasonable thoughts. I don't believe in nonsense, even though I love make believe and magic and hope ghosts are real. The whole planet simultaneously going POOF! is absolute nonsense. I know this as much as I know I am Amber. Plus, USA Today said it wasn't going to happen just last weekend, and USA Today knows things. Still, I was fuhreaking out about it on and off for about three years.

I have had a great life, and if everything had gone to shit today, I would have been okay. I would have managed to drink my stiff drink and give myself over to the burning meteors or the aliens or the black hole or the angry Jesus or the whatever that was our fate. My only hang up about the world ending was this: I didn't want the babies I know to have to feel the terror that must come with an event like the end of the world.

When 9/11 happened and I watched people experiencing their personal end of the world jumping out the windows of a burning building, all I could think about was the terror they must be feeling if hopping out a window 80 stories in the air seemed like a reprieve. Babies shouldn't have to feel terror like that. No one should, but especially not babies.

Luckily, the babies are okay. In fact, I got to spend the evening pretend-eating one and teaching another one how to throw elbows. I got to have fish sandwiches and coleslaw with my parents and sister and my cousin Nate. I got to have an impromptu trip to the mall with my friend Heather, and then I got to have three long-awaited old fashioneds and watch the clock roll over to 12/22.

So, the world didn't end. Life not only went on, it continued to be better than I probably deserve. And I got to wear an awesome "I ain't going down" hat all day long. Today was the best day ever.