20 Years Ago

Two decades ago, Ruble and I went to a football game and sat down next to Kristin and Sarah. Sarah and I had sat next to each other in English and were friendly, Kristin and Sarah had been friends for a lifetime already since they lived in the same neighborhood, and Ruble had become my new best friend since I dumped my gay boyfriend and my old band friends and had found someone who laughed dangerously loud and was dangerously fun. We became a bit of a quartet our senior year, intermittently joined by Chloe, who was also from the hood and wicked smart. One time we sat in a storage shed and Sarah was almost killed by a weed whacker.

I'm thinking it may be time to buy some Birkenstocks again real soon...

These woman became my squad during that fateful year. As we ventured off to college (Kristin to Georgia, Sarah to Ohio, Chloe to Indiana, and me to Transy... I did not venture back then) and to adult life (Ruble became a workaholic, because she did not put enough postage on her college application), our friendship was sustained during holiday visits home and trips to each others' dorm rooms. We demoralized a fraternity with our pool skills. We saved a guy from going up in flames in the back seat of a car. We donated a lot of money to the Jim Beam Foundation.

Hera was also a part of our squad cuz she was a badass cat.

In the last two decades, we have earned doctorates, gotten married, had children, endured heartbreaks, lived abroad, been laid off, moved across the country, made drastic career changes, buried parents and grandparents, bought homes, and, most importantly, stayed in touch to support and celebrate one another. In honor of our lasting friendship, our high school decided to throw a party for us. Some would call it a 20 year reunion.

I looked at the guest list and called it a RSVP No. I remembered maybe four people on the list, all four of whom I saw at the last reunion or since then. Chloe, however RSVPed Yes, and then asked us if we were going. Because Sarah, Kristin, and I have grown into full fledged anti-socialites, we negotiated a private reunion for ourselves at Ruble's house, a partial reunion at a class-sponsored tailgate function at Keeneland, and a full report on our classmates from Chloe, who would go to the actual reunion and report back to us.

We had an excellent time. Ruble, who is with Byrski child and due in February, put me up and hosted a get together of drunken friends on Friday and Saturday night. Friday I got amped and carved a pumpkin.

Saturday we got up and went to Keeneland. We tailgated at our car for a bit before all the Trump supporters and coal-keeps-the-lights-on retards made Sarah and I awkward enough to agree to walk over to the Tates Creek Reunion section. I packed a couple extra Stellas in my purse because I'm classy. As we walked up, I was transported to 20 years ago, and I remembered, oh, that's why I love Ruble so much. The girl walked up to everyone. And talked to them. And appeared to enjoy it. Meanwhile, cut to me, Sarah, and Kristin standing awkwardly on the periphery, not talking to anyone, just like most high school experiences. I just kept asking, "Is that Ashley Coleman?" That is the only name I remember from high school. I think she was involved in a sex scandal. If not, let's just go with it for fun. SOMEONE was involved in a sex scandal, I know it.

After about 30 minutes of awkward, 30 minutes which Steve, Ruble's husband, used to make friends with everyone we went to high school with, we walked to Keeneland to eat, drink, bet on horses, and enjoy my favorite piece of Kentucky.

There's HUSBANDS and BABIES in this pic.

I was drinking Old Fashioneds because I am a 90-year-old alcoholic woman, so when we went to Ramsey's after the races, I was too impulsive not to order more 2-for-1 whiskeys and a BLT salad. When in Kentucky, do as Kentuckians.

I didn't eat ALL of that. I took some home in a box and ate it for breakfast.

I'm so young and fresh that when we got home, I immediately passed out on the couch while my young and fresh friends hung out on the patio and enjoyed a fire pit. I'm pretty sure my ass was totally showing because Kristin poking my crack interrupted my nap powerfully enough that I became conscious. I put on pajamas, started drinking water, and we all joined together for a fun game of Cards Against Humanity. Only because everyone fears me and Sarah playing A to Z.

One of the questions I had was for my friends to submit a card defining my marriage. Here is what these beautiful, supportive, wonderful friends turned in.

Don't you hate it when your friends know you better than you know yourself? And when they're so hilarious with their ability to insult you? That is why I love these girls. They make me laugh. And I make Sarah cry and she still hangs out with me. That is a true friend.

Chloe came over after the reunion and brought her husband, Shae, who was hilarious and actually did cartwheels in the living room. Anyone who wants to do cartwheels in a living room is an instant friend of mine. We learned that the reunion was terribly awkward and that Chloe and Shae were the only ones who danced and that it was a cash bar and that we are geniuses for not going.

The night ended quietly enough, but the visit awakened in me a profound appreciation for my friends. These wonderful, inspiring women who continue to associate with me despite my chronic absenteeism. Who forgive me for being cruel and bossy and obnoxious. Who tolerate my whore-for-a-laughness. Who I can reach out to at a moment's notice and trust that they will always be there for me when it counts.

Taylor Swift wishes she had a squad like mine.