Mmmmmmm. Vegannnnn.

I get a hankering for bakering sometimes, and when I do, it usually involves cupcakes. Specifically VEGAN CUPCAKES THAT ARE ABOUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

My vegan cupcakes seldom turn out the way I intend. I mean, they turn out delicious, but there's always some *performance issue.

There's always been some problem with "falling," a crisis easily cloaked with a batch of homemade vegan buttercream icing and glamorous toppings. This time, the *performance issue involved a stubborn refusal to separate from the cupcake liner. (In defense of the recipe, I was out of cooking spray and had to finagle some impromptu "greasing techniques" that are not cookbook sanctioned.)

Yes, I made two batches to make sure the "falling" wasn't my fault. Yes, that type of determination required a Dos Equis. Yes, we ate paper. Yes, they were so delicious that we ate them, offered them to friends, and laughed on the inside as our friends also succumbed to eating paper in order to get at the deliciousness of VEGAN CUPCAKES THAT ARE ABOUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Here's where we go to worship vegan. You're invited. Yes, there is vegan mac and cheese, and it will probably save your life, so there. 

Here's how you can attempt to get your friends to eat paper so you can laugh at them. All in good health.

Lilly says, "I LOVE MY VEGAN-ISH
UNCLE. AND HIS HAIRY FACE."

VEGAN CARROT CAKE CUPCAKES

2/3 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
2/3 cup sugar (you can also use agave nectar)
1/3 cup vegetable oil (use 1/4 cup if you use agave nectar)
1/3 cup soy yogurt (plain or vanilla)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup finely grated carrots
1/4 cup chopped walnuts for the cupcakes, 1/3 c. for sprinkling on top after icing
1/4 cup raisins


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line muffin tin with 12 cupcake liners. Spray the shit out of them so your cupcake won't stick.

2. In a medium mixing bowl, mix together sugar, vegetable oil, yogurt, and vanilla. Sift in the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and spices), and mix until smooth. Fold in carrots, walnuts and raisins.

3. Fill the liners 2/3 full. Bake for 26-28 minutes, until a toothpick inserted through the center of one comes out clean. Try not to let anything in your house move or else they may "fall." Whisper nice things to them. But not too loudly.

4. Once fully cooled, top generously with cream cheese frosting. And not that poison you buy at the store. I am doing a trial run of some cupcakes for an upcoming soiree, and today I looked at that store icing crap. Holy Ba-Jesus... 2g trans fats per serving!!! Vegan icing is uber easy and not going to kill you. Here's a recipe for Vegan Cream Cheese Icing that's great with these cupcakes.

VEGAN CREAM CHEESE ICING
1/4 c. non-hydrogenated margarine, softened (I use Smart Balance)
1/4 c. vegan cream cheese, softened (I use Tofutti)
2 c. confectioners' sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Cream together margarine and cream cheese until just combined. Use a handheld mixer to whip while adding the confectioners' sugar in 1/2 c. batches. Mix until smooth and creamy, then mix in the vanilla. Keep tightly covered and refrigerated until ready to use. No, it's not okay for your spouse to catch you eating it with your fingers just because it's not full of trans fats. NOTED.

Sweet, sweet vegans

I got fat over the winter, so I'm trying to do more cooking type things and less eating convenient fast food type things. When I cook I eat way better (as in healthier and more delicious) than when I rely on outside sources to feed me, and thanks to a really good cookbook selection, I've been pretty productive the last few days.

Vegetarian rubens, enchiladas, stuffed pitas, curried cauliflower, pineapples and strawberries.

But these... these vegan banana split cupcakes with vegan buttercream frosting and vegan chocolate ganache and a strawberry on top... these aren't exactly what a fat person should be cooking. They are, however, what a fat person likes eating.

Southern Comfort

Sitting on my counter right now are two jalapenos, six yellow squash, one zucchini, and one tomato.

Sitting there the other day were three cucumbers and a fresh loaf of homemade, garden-sent zucchini bread.
As much as I'm hating the mosquitoes living off my ankle blood, the poison ivy trying to crawl through my front door, and the thick air that makes jeans feel like a modern form of torture, I am loving the sharing of the harvest that comes from the South.

Things to Do in Austin when You're Drunk (a series)

How Ruble, Sarah, Kristin and I managed to find the most incredible hangouts in Austin is either a testament to our abilities to sniff out good times or a clear indicator that Austin qualifies as one of the best cities in the United States.

Breathe now, because that sentence was a doozy.

It took us almost a year to the day for us far-flung friends to make it to the same geography, but it was worth the wait. We were barely off the plane an hour and we were sipping margaritas and eating queso at Guero's. A guy on the plane next to Kristin said he was going there as soon as he got out of the airport, so if he was that devoted, it must be a place worth devotion. Yeah, it was.
I was surprised to see how vegetarian friendly Austin actually was. I expected it to be like Dallas only worse, because Austin is known for its barbecue. Instead, I found veggie versions of practically everything. Which I'm sure I would have enjoyed if I wasn't already about to explode from all the queso I drank.

So, add Austin to your list, and at the top, write in Guero's. Also at the top, write "Hot as Hell... DO NOT bring your favorite hoodie."