Mack and Cheese

It's one of those days, where you open your eyes with a gush of emotion that tries to bowl you over into fantasy land with love. One of those days where people stuck in reality want to vomit at the sight of you and hate what comes out of your mouth mostly because they are jealous or tired of hearing it. I know, I am those people on more days than not, but today, I'm one of those gushy in love kinds, and it feels so good.
I love Mack. I love him so much it actually hurts, and makes me dumb, and wears me out, and depresses me, and brings me to tears, and steals my breath, and pushes me into a loneliness I've never touched before, and makes me insecure, and terrifies me, and isolates me, and makes me hungry and afraid and worthless and sick. So much that sometimes I want to die than think of a life without him.

And it's not just something that I feel anymore either. Loving Mack has become a way of life for me and if loving him ever gets taken away, I won't know how to exist. I enjoy his company, am in awe of his mind, have found my perfect match, am inspired by his strength. He has breathed life into my living, broken the bonds of comfortability to reveal possibility and allowed me to experience my short time on this planet rather than agonize about its end and waste time preparing for its postponement. It's thrilling to be with him, to feel the energy come off of him, to experience it quickening my heartbeat. He is magical and whimsical and superhuman.

I love Mack. I love him so much it makes me fearless, and gives me the confidence to go anywhere and do anything, and lets me sleep soundly every night, and picks me up off the ground when life pushes me face down in it, and fulfills me the way religion does for some people, and makes me feel safe and protected and secure, and teaches me to be kind and forgiving, and empowers me to stand up for what I think, and makes me calm, and inspires me to be a better person, and makes everyday worth living, and brings a smile to my face at the very thought of it, and overwhelms me, and is all I'll ever need and more than I ever expected.

I guess it's just one of those days.