The Endorsement Series (Part 7 in a Series)

I don't drink pop because it makes you fat, and I don't drink diet pop because the sweetener in it gives me a headache that isn't worth all the fizz in the world.

But, thanks to Mack and Ralph's and the price of LaCroix sparkling water, I now drink Diet Hansen's Creamy Root Beer. Let's go to the can for more information.

At its top rim, you discover that Diet Hansen's Creamy Root Beer has no carbs and is aspartame free. You slide down its side and see that it contains no fruit juice, no calories, no fat, no sodium, no sugars, and no protein. Rotate the can counter clockwise to reveal a donation match of up to $1,000 to the City of Hope for Breast Cancer Research by this little-known soda company. Ask what Coca-Cola or Pepsi have done for breast cancer research lately. Lower your eyes to the bottom of the can, where you will find there are no preservatives and no caffeine in this delicious drink. Admire the red tab on the top, savor the familiar root beer scent, guzzle down gulps that taste like baseball games in July.

This really is the nectar of the gods.