2. Adam is responsible for all the evil in the world, not Eve, like I thought. So it should be called Adamil, not Evil.
3. When Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, they were totally comfortable being naked, but Eve's boobs were conveniently always covered up by her long, billowy hair.
4. As for their privates, those were conveniently always covered by lush gardens. Unless they were in water, in which case Adam and Eve didn't have legs or privates.
5. Before Adam's big screw up, kids played with dinosaurs like they play with dogs today. Even though the dinosaurs had big teeth suited for eating kids, they only used those big teeth to eat grass. It seems they were considered "cuddly."
6. It's not funny when men with scraggly beards whisper, "It's gonna gitcha," in your ear when you're staring at an automated dinosaur. Not. Funny.
7. God loves variety. Variety that billions of years of changing topography and atmosphere couldn't accomplish, but variety that six days of hard work and one day of rest could.
8. Humans use reason. God uses words. That makes sense.
9. Satan assumed the form of a snake that went on to get a lead role in "Snakes on a Plane." Maybe you've heard of the species "pretend," which boasts horns where its ears would go if it had ears.
10. If you're scared, either of the Devil or of Jesus coming back, a lot of locks will keep you safe.
11. After Adam ruined the world, poison went into poison arrow frogs (before that they didn't have poison in them), dinosaurs started using their teeth to eat flesh, and weeds started to grow, which basically turned everything to crap.
12. When the Modern World abandoned the Bible there was a horrible outbreak of... graffiti artists!
13. Adam and Eve had to skin animals and leave them on a rock to get a loving God to forgive them for eating that fruit when they were first going out.
14. You don't learn this kind of stuff in school. Probably because it's not part of God's plan.
15. A huge boat held two of each animal on the earth, even though there was already venom in the animals and dinosaurs had become aggressive. All the animals were very orderly and lined up in twos to board. They were also very happy in their little cubbies before, during and a little after the flood. The captain of the boat, Noah, was sometimes white and sometimes Indian, which goes back to that point about God liking variety.
16. All the extra animals that didn't go on the boat, including people, were buried in a layer of mud when the flood came. That's how we got fossils.
17. Thou shalt not... touch!
18 comments:
This made me laugh. A lot! Who knew the Creation Museum was right in my back yard!!??
So, it's in Cinci then? Where is this Creation Museum and, even more importantly, who paid to build it? Is it free to get in?
Don't worry, they'll be teaching it in school soon enough. Maybe by the time Renee starts. Whew! I was worried she might think there was such a thing as 'biology' and 'science'. Glad I don't have to worry about that anymore.
It is just south of the Ohio border in Petersburg, KY - paid for by a combination of grants, donations, and it seems limited state support in the form of interstate signage and billboard advertising bearing the Kentucky state seal followed by the state slogan, "Kentucky: Unbridled Spirit."
Forgot to add that the admission fee is $19.95 unless you fill out a brief questionnaire asking your address, email , etc., which lowers your fee to $17.95
you're kidding right?? $19.95??!! Maybe that's a good thing, fewer people will go. That's expensive!!
Damn! It's in Kentucky. I am afraid to move back to the states. At least on our street there is a Christian book store and a Muslim bookstore. You can by a Qu'ran board game or a Bible board game, or you can go to the betting shop and play slots. Ha!
You all paid 40 bucks to get in! Please don't tell me you filled out the questionnaire. There's no telling what junk you're going to receive. Although I did thoroughly enjoy the blog.
wow... that was pee your pants funny
I filled out the questionnaire completely because I WANT to get all the crazy religious crap in the mail. Amber and Leigh made some stuff up I think.
I filled it out with my Jewish boss's name and work address. Jesus told me to.
I wonder if the prehistoric (oh I'm sorry-- "BEGINNING of history") kids took dinosaurs on walks and played fetch? Did the Ark exibit explain how they got all of the little animals on the boat like gnats, spiders and every species of ant (about 9000) to line up and come aboard? Wouldn't the termites eat the boat? Are bacteria considered animals? Did they have petri dishes back then? Wouldn't all the birds just prefer to fly around? With all those animals on there, wouldn't it smell really, really bad? (Don't get me started on the elephants!) Did the dogs and the cats fight all forty days and nights? Why didn't the two lions kill the two wildabeasts? (I'm sure they got hungry) How could they tell the alligators and crocodiles apart? (I still get confused) So many questions! Petersburg, here I come!
Don't go to Jesus College with all those crazy LIE-beral questions or God will hunt you down and eat your brain.
Hey, I'm Sarah's friend from Kansas. Thanks for sharing your experience - truly a scary place, it seems, in that brainwashy, ignore-the-facts kind of way.
phil, those are such silly questions. don't you know that god only loves large, furry animals? the devil is responsible for gnats and mosquitoes so they weren't on the boat. simple as that.
i do wonder how they got all those animals on the boat. god must have put a spell on them because I watch nature shows where they try to get a rhino on a truck and it is not happy and even knocks its horn off cuz if fights so much. God must be like Snow White when it comes to animals. maybe he carried the gnats on his breath? how about that? yep, i tink dat's wut happen. anyone seen the panorama exposé on scientology? pretty funny.
oh, one more thing. if you wanna see some more interesting religious propaganda go to www.chick.com
It's religious comic strips that you can order as little booklets and then pass them out to your friends and save their souls.
Oh! the most recent chick lit cartoon is about the dinosaurs, so it's sure to answer all those niggling questions. Apparently, dinosaurs and people DID live together and the reason dinosaurs are extinct is because the people ATE THEM ALL!! Geez! couldn't you smart people figure that out? What happened was, after the floods, the air was thinner! So the dinosaurs couldn't breathe as good because they are so big. That meant that the people could catch them and eat them up. Yum! Yum!
It makes so much sense I wonder why no one thought of it sooner. Finally my questions have been answered!
Did this museum cover all 6000 years of Earth's existence? Astounding.
Jennifer
Really scary people believe, no they KNOW all that stuff is true. What a loss to families whose members jump into the fairy tales and never come back. I'm down by two. At this point, I think I am referred to as doing Satan's work and Jesus bashing. Such is life. At least the line to get in to see the C.M. wasn't hours long.
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