A few weeks ago, I took Mack on a surprise to Santa Barbara, which, it turns out, is an actual town and not just a soap opera I used to watch when Grandma took a nap and I promised to be quiet as a mouse. There was a lot of sex in Santa Barbara -- the soap opera, I'm talking about the soap opera -- which is probably why this wasn't quite as shocking as it might otherwise have been.
Yes, that is a painting of an orgy.It is about 8 inches wide by 12 inches tall, and it was hanging over the fireplace in our penthouse hotel room at Ala Mar Hotel. Don't let the word "penthouse" fool you; it was the top room of the very simple, somewhat Nordic feeling, actually affordable, on the beach hotel that we stayed at for one night.
When we walked in, I was glad to see a jacuzzi tub, a refrigerator, and a view of the beach from our window. But when I spotted this little number, featuring midget swingers and possible pedophiles, I knew we'd found a diamond in the rough.
In addition to taking in hotel artwork, we also hit up a Santa Barbara winery. Santa Barbara is where they made the movie Sideways. Plus, it is feasible to drive there from LA in a day. That's why I chose Santa Barbara. Here's a snapshot of the drive.
It was so nice to be out in the middle of countryside, I kicked my shoes off and starting kicking back wines every color of the rainbow. When the horses from a neighboring rehabilitation farm sauntered over our way, I felt like I was home again. Although, to be fair, the only place I ever lived that was next to horses was Grandma's house, but you know that back then I was too obsessed with sex and soap operas to really appreciate these animals being so close. 
Breathing in the untainted air, looking out on mountains and trees and green spaces, sitting in close proximity to enough wine to last me a lifetime, I had no choice but to start dreaming about my retirement. 
We also got a little bit of beach exploring in. We went to Carpinteria Beach, which is named for Spanish carpenters like Jesus, because allegedly it was a seal haven. Mack had told me how awesome the elephant seals are, and I was hoping that we could see some. No. This was a Harbor Seal Safe Haven, devoid of any seals, probably because this was also an RV Safe Haven. Can someone tell me why you would get an RV and drive a long way to a natural spot where you will then park in a parking lot less than 3 feet from another RV? Why not just live in an apartment?Aside from the RVs and the absence of seals, Capinteria Beach did deliver. If you consider tar pits on the beach delivering.
It was pretty smelly, and it felt weird seeing pollution in nature, but something about the oozing black gold was awesome. We paused at one point to look at a flower and Mack started drifting down the path. When he lifted up his shoe, there was melty oil underneath. It had been covered by the dirt of the path, and if you just keep on walking it just feels like soft ground. But if you stand there, it starts to slime you.
Which is precisely why you don't go swimming on the beaches of Santa Barbara. Just have sex instead. 
3 comments:
Nice. I love, love, love to travel but kids make it a little more difficult (especially financially!). For now I'll just keep living through your and Jen's travel experiences.
If you ever want to travel to LA, you've got a place to stay! We're only a few blocks from the beach too!
Hey girl, how are you doing?? I found your blog through Brett!!!
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