Just say no to life lessons

A few weeks ago, Leiah and Ben stopped by for a visit while Intervention was on. I decided to take advantage of the opportunity for learning and teach Ben to say no to drugs.

I was inspired in this way about 15 years ago during an episode of Oprah that featured toddlers who had been taught to call 911 in an emergency and ended up saving someone's life. In this instance, Betsy was my pupil. I explained to her that if something ever happened that made her afraid and there was no grown up to help her that she should call 911 and even went so far as to point out the numbers on the keypad of the phone and pair it with a nice jingle. Sure she had learned the lesson, I pushed it out of my head and proceeded to strut my big sister stuff.

A couple days later the phone rang.

"This is 911. We got a call from this number. Do you have an emergency?"

After soothing the 911 operator, I asked Betsy if she called 911. Of course, she insisted that she didn't. We had previously convinced her that we had a ghost named Arthur living in our house, something we proved thanks to water on a counter and the sliding effect that suction gives to Tupperware containers, so she suggested, with an eyebrow raised and the cutest fake detective voice allowed, "Maybe Arthur did it."

You'd think with the way that backfired I wouldn't be using television as a platform for life lessons anymore, but fool me twice...

So Ben is running around acting crazy and I, his serious aunt addicted to shows about addiction, interrupt his playtime to teach him not to do drugs.

"Ben, if someone ever asks you to do drugs, you tell them, 'No way. I don't do drugs.' Got it?"

He looks at me like I'm on crack and resumes running circles around the couch. A few laps in, I catch his arm, hold out my open hand and offer him some invisible drugs.

(I did not teach him to punch the dealer. That's just a genetic response we have.)

Feeling pretty awesome that he got the message and added a very relevant-to-his-life reference about the potty in his rejection, I released him and off he ran. Leiah and I refocused our attention to the meth heads on TV, when a few minutes later, Ben stops his marathon, holds out his hand and says, "Hey, Ami. You want some drugs????"

Next I plan to teach him cuss words, starting with the phrase "Dammit Joan."

BONUS VIDEO BECAUSE IT'S FUN TO DO THIS TO KIDS