Facts

I was helping Leiah paint her new pad the other day when Ben walks in and starts dictating to me proper paint technique and how he wants the closet to be blue. I swear I have no idea where he gets this brand of bossy, but I had already painted the closet yellow and I knew he was fighting a losing battle. To spare his ego, I decided to pull out the old tool of distraction and asked him about his girlfriend at day care.

"So who's this girl I hear has been kissing you at day care?"

"She's got yellow hair and her name is Sky." He gets right down to the nitty gritty, doesn't he?

"Sky, huh? Well, is she cute?"

"No," he said, exasperated that I would even ask such a thing. "Girls are pretty."

"Oh, so is she pretty?"

"Yes, girls have to be pretty."

"What happens if a girl is not pretty?" I sincerely asked.

"She goes to jail," he sincerely answered.

This was a serious talk, and even though the inside of me was rolling on the floor laughing, I knew if I wanted to get more of these delightful 5-year-old insights, I had to hold it together. Naturally, I switched the topic to boys. "What about boys? Do boys have to be cute too?"

"No," he says, and I swear if he knew how to roll his eyes he would have. That is how annoying I am. "Boys are handsome."

"But what if a boy isn't handsome? What then?"

Ben looked at me like it's a miracle I made it this far in life being so dumb. "They have to wear ladies' clothes."

There you have it. Ugly girls go to jail and ugly boys must dress as ladies.